I Don't Want to Lose You Read online

  “And if I’m with someone else at the time?”

  “I’ll just take you away and that will be that. Politics is full of scandal. That will be ours.” He winked at me before he bent down to pick up the sweater I was sitting on. Since I was wearing shorts it was easy for him to make an observation. “You have knees like my brother. I think his knees are ugly.”

  Did he say my knees were ugly? My jaw dropped and sounds came out of my mouth, but they weren’t in the form of words. It sounded more like pockets of air.

  He grabbed my hand and kissed it and continued, “But somehow you make them work. I’ll see you later.” He gave me my sweater and got his things. The bell rang and he walked off to his class.

  CHAPTER NINE

  I had just finished doing the layout for the school newspaper and needed to see the pictures the photographer had taken for the front page article so that I could choose which one I wanted to use and type an appropriate caption for it. He was in the dark room attached to the photography class and so I was given a pass to go over there. I hated going to the dark room. There had been rumors of people doing stuff that shouldn’t be done in there, but I guess it was the best place since it was literally a dark room. There were two rooms, the one in the front had sectioned off areas with curtains for negatives to be viewed and the other for the film to be developed and dry. I was familiar with the dark room and its goings on because I had taken the class in my junior year.

  I walked in calling the photographer’s name since I didn’t know if he was behind a curtain or in the back room. It was dark in there with only dim, red lights to help see. After calling his name three or four times, he answered and said that he was in the back. He showed me the pictures that he had taken and I chose the one I wanted. We discussed different possible captions and came to an agreement on one. He told me that he would bring me the photo when it had dried.

  I left the back room and came to the front. As I was passing the closed curtains to go to the door, a hand reached out and grabbed my arm and yanked me to the other side of the curtain. I shrieked until I recognized Theo. I put my hands over my eyes as I tried to bring my heart rate down. He put his arms around me and whispered, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “Well, you did. Why would you-? Never mind. I know you didn’t mean to,” I said after I could breathe normally.

  He let me go and stepped back, which wasn’t far away. There were about fifteen curtained areas and they weren’t really meant for more than one person to be in, two if the curtain was open. And there we were both of us in there. “I wanted you to see these pictures I took and get your opinion. I’m trying to figure out which ones are good enough to turn in for my assignment.”

  I looked at the negatives and could see the progress in his photography since the last time I had seen his work. “These are nice. You’re getting better at this.”

  “You think?”

  “I know.” I broke down different aspects of the pictures that I liked and told him my recommendations. “Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked.

  “Those were the ones I was thinking about using,” he answered.

  “I guess you have good taste then,” I said as I winked at him. “I have to get back to class.” I knew if I had stayed any longer that I might get myself into trouble. After all, I was fully aware of where I was and the stories I had heard and my reputation was too important to me to have it be mixed up with all of that. I opened the curtain.

  He quickly closed the curtain and pouted. “You don’t want to help me develop my film?”

  I got a tad nervous by us being in such a confined space closed off from prying eyes. I kept my cool when responding. “I have a newspaper to get out. Besides, you’re a big boy. I think you can do it by yourself. You’ve done okay so far.”

  “Would you mind at least being my model for my next assignment?” he asked with a smile.

  I didn’t think of myself as one a photographer would willingly choose to photograph. While I was flattered, I was hesitant. “I’ll get back to you on that.” He took my hand and kissed it. When he let it go, I rubbed the hair on his chin. “I’ll see you later.”

  I walked out back into daylight letting out a sigh of relief that I didn’t lose my self respect but gained a slight boost to my ego.

  CHAPTER TEN

  It was after school and I had told a classmate that I would walk home with her because she had seemed down earlier that day and wanted someone to talk to. We hadn’t had a chance to talk for a while but I wanted her to know that she could always count on me despite how busy I might have seemed. She had a club meeting for an organization that I was no part of, but I told her that I would be sitting on the stairs that she’d have to come down after leaving the class the meeting was in.

  I was going to use the time to do some homework since it got quieter by the minute but I quickly discovered that it was a good spot to do some people watching. No one walking by would have expected for someone to be where I was because of the walls on either side of the stairs. I heard conversations that I probably shouldn’t have been privy to. I saw couples and their public displays of affection. And then I saw Theo walking by talking to a girl that I didn’t know.

  I think the best word to describe how the sight made me feel was jealous. Only a little. It wasn’t as intense as the last time. I gave myself a quick lecture on maintaining my composure, unlike the locker slamming incident the year before. Before my feelings got the best of me, I decided to test out where she stood with him.

  “Hey, Theo,” I shouted and waved when he looked up.

  He saw me sitting there alone and nodded. He turned his attention back to the girl and my heart skipped a beat until he started coming up the stairs and she was walking away after giving me a nasty look. He sat down next to me.

  “Who was that?” I asked.

  He waved her off. “A girl from the M.E.S.A. Club.”

  “Oh,” was all I could say.

  He looked at me. “Monica, are you-”

  “No,” I said quickly interrupting him not wanting to hear him say that ugly word.

  He started, “It’s nothing. She just-”

  I put my hand up to stop him and interrupt him. “Stop! You don’t have to explain anything. You are under no obligation to, so don’t. You can talk to whomever you want.”

  After a few moments in silence, he asked why I was sitting there and I told him. He then asked me if I was going to go to the school’s talent show Saturday night.

  “Yeah, I’ll be there,” I answered.

  “Are you performing?”

  “Oh no. I don’t have any talent. I’m covering it for the school paper.”

  “I’m sure you have some talent. Everybody can do something.”

  “Yes, I can applaud loudly. That’s my talent. Are you going to be in it with your band?”

  “Yeah. Green Jalapenos will be performing.”

  I chuckled. “That’s the name you guys decided on? It sounds similar to Red Hot Chili Peppers.”

  “Since that name was taken we went with the next best thing to reflect our background,” he answered.

  “Well, I guess that’s better than a name like Cheesy Enchiladas or Footlong Churros,” I responded sarcastically, which made him laugh. I suddenly lost all enthusiasm and felt like a dark cloud was over me. “Oh no, the curse,” I said in earnest.

  He calmed down and had a partially concerned look on his face. “What curse?” he asked.

  “Don’t you remember when I went to your tennis match and I cheered for you and what happened after that? You choked. I don’t want my presence to throw you off and make you stink,” I said sincerely.

  “Don’t worry about it. I’m just stoked that you’ll be there. Are you sure that you don’t have any talent? I’d love to see you do something.”

  I thought for a second and then I bit my lower lip.

  “What is it?” he asked. “You’re blushing.”

  �
�I don’t know if I want to tell you because you might try to make me do it.”

  “What is it?”

  “You know how men can make their pecs pop? I can make my boobs pop.” I quickly covered my eyes so that I would not have to see his face.

  He laughed and asked, “Are you serious?” He removed my hands from my face. “If you are, I have to see this.”

  “Stop laughing at me. I’m not going to be able to concentrate to do it if you’re laughing.”

  He was looking at Holly and Dolly. “They’re so-”

  I filled in the blank. “Big.”

  “Yeah. How can you do that?”

  “It’s funny what you can do when you put your mind to it.” I sighed. “Okay, you only get one show. So do you want me to pop them back and forth real fast? Or do you want me to move them to ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb’ or ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star?’”

  His eyes widened. “You’ve trained them to dance to songs?”

  “These are my girls and we work together.”

  “‘Mary Had a Little Lamb,’” he answered.

  I took a deep breath as I prepared for him to stare at my breasts and watch them go up and down as I sang the first verse of the song. I had to control myself to wait until I was done before laughing at how wide his eyes were.

  “Oh my goodness!” he exclaimed when I was done. “I can’t even do that and I don’t have any weight on my chest. How much do those things weigh?”

  I put one hand under each one to try to make a guess. “I’d say about four pounds each, maybe more. I’m just guessing. I really don’t know. It’s not like I can plop them on a scale to weigh them.”

  He reached his hand toward me. “Let me see if I can guess.”

  I smacked his hand. “I don’t think so. I don’t have a ring on my finger from you. You can look, but you can’t touch.”

  “It’s like that?”

  “I’m like that, so yes.”

  “That’s cool. My time will come.”

  “Oh really?”

  “I told you that I can see into the future. Yes really. All I can say is that is a true talent if I had ever seen one.”

  I laughed. “Then you have lived a very sheltered life, my dear. Don’t tell anyone about this. This is just between me and you.”

  “You’ve never shared this with anyone?” he asked.

  I shook my head.

  “Not even Nathaniel?”

  I made a face and shook my head.

  “Just me?”

  I nodded.

  “I feel special.”

  “You are special.”

  He scooted a little closer to me and stared at my face. With the way he was looking at me I was sure he was going to try to kiss me. His Adam’s apple bobbled, but he lost his nerve. He reached for my hand and kissed it.

  “So, I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said to break the awkwardness since I heard the students of the club coming out. “Should I cheer for you?”

  “You better,” he said as he got up. “That way I’ll know you’re there.”

  The next night I came with my notebook to take notes on the different performances. When Green Jalapenos performed, I screamed like a groupie for Theo. They sounded good and came in third place. First place went to a group of hip hop dancers, second to a singing group. After the winners were announced, I found where the band was and gave them all, except Theo, a congratulatory hug and then I made my way over to Theo.

  “I’m sure you didn’t hear me cheering for you even though I was in the front,” I said.

  “I not only heard you, but I saw you. I didn’t know you could be that loud. And I didn’t choke.”

  I smiled. “I guess the curse is broken.”

  “So I don’t get a hug?” he asked.

  I whispered congratulations in his ear after I gave him a hug and a kiss on his cheek. I left a mark since I had on a dark red lipstick. “Dude, you have to let me go,” I whispered more than once. He did and I stepped back. “I have a story to write while it’s fresh in my head so I’ll see you guys on Monday.”

  As I walked away I could hear the guys giving him high fives and making comments about the lip print on his cheek. Had I not broken up with Nathaniel that morning, I might not have been so brazen. I had hoped he would wash it off before Monday since there was a possibility that Nathaniel and I would be back together by then, which he did and we were.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  I was sitting in Government class barely paying attention to what the teacher had to say since politics and all that encompassed it failed to pique my interests. While I did have opinions, I was not one under the opinion that any acts of a government official would be for the best interests of all. Someone, no matter how hard one might try, would get the short end of the stick. I didn’t think of myself as a pessimist, but a realist.

  Somehow whatever subject we were discussing in the chapter hopped, skipped and jumped itself into the topic of immigration. Although the teacher was a Black male, there were only three Black students in the class. Needless to say, I had no desire to contribute my thoughts on the matter. I liked my teeth where they were. I liked my eyes being able to open and shut easily. I liked the shape of my nose. Most of all, I liked my life. Granted, most in the class were my good friends and I doubted that opening my mouth, once again, would deter them from me. I wasn’t, however, interested in taking that chance.

  I was sitting there hearing the voices of everyone around me, some heated and some calm, while doing a mental countdown of how many more seconds would pass before the bell would ring. I made a face when I realized that I wasn’t doing the multiplication in my head correctly and that caught the attention of the teacher.

  “Monica, by the look on your face, you don’t agree,” the teacher said.

  I quickly changed my expression to one of confusion. “Say what?” I saw that everyone turned to look at me.

  “Ms. Walker, since you are a minority in this class, what do you think about illegal immigration?” asked the teacher.

  Seeing that all eyes were on me, I replied, “I refuse to respond on the grounds that it might-”

  “Just answer the question,” Puppy interrupted. I shot him a look that told him he will be hurt once class was over and he sat back and looked straight ahead.

  “This is not a court of law, Ms. Walker,” the teacher said. “This is a classroom where we have discussions that all should feel open to participate in. So, once again, what are your thoughts on illegal immigration?”

  Internally I revved myself up to get ready to go because I knew I was going to end up going toe to toe with someone, if not everyone, either inside or outside of the class. “I think the borders need to be made more secure to prevent people from coming in all willy nilly. There will never be control without more regulating and it starts by cutting them off at the pass.”

  Suddenly there were a ton of outbursts flung in my direction. The teacher calmed the class down. When there was silence, a Mexican classmate asked, “So in other words, you want to keep out Mexicans?”

  “No, that’s not what I said. Mexicans aren’t the only ones that come here illegally. I’m referring to all who come here illegally. But with where we are in Los Angeles, we primarily are dealing with illegal immigrants from Mexico.”

  “Do you know, Monica, what people in Mexico are trying to escape?” I turned my head the other direction to see the question was coming from Theo.

  “While I have visited Mexico before, I have not gone into the depths of the country to know how bad it can be,” I answered. “It was horrible from what I saw and that was very little. I also know what I have heard on the news and on television, even though I know there are some real nice parts of Mexico. But Mexicans who are trying to sneak over aren’t the only people in the world who do it, so don’t take it as a racist or prejudiced comment. The way that the United States is glamorized on television and in movies would make people want to try to obtain the American dream. But the way t
hat some people go about it is not right and it’s not fair.”

  Theo shook his head in disbelief. “How can you say it’s not right or fair?

  “You want to be real with this, Theo?” I asked in a high pitched voice.

  “Who’s Theo?” the teacher asked.

  “That’s what she calls Teodoro,” Sonya answered.

  The teacher nodded and looked back at the two of us to see who was going to say something next.

  “Please, be my guest,” Theo responded.

  “The government puts laws and processes into effect for a reason. You out of all people should know that. In the democracy that we live in, the people in office are elected to do that and it’s not for any of us to pick and choose which laws suit us well or not or else chaos and anarchy could erupt. But let’s start with the not right part. It’s not right that people come over here and pop out an anchor baby and then feel entitled to take advantage of all that government assistance provides funded by the hard working people in the country, and for the record it’s not just Mexicans who do it either. My mother and father didn’t work as hard as they have in order for their tax dollars to pay for other people to live off of that aren’t taking the necessary steps to become citizens. The citizens are the ones who are entitled to that assistance but it seems like its gotten all twisted up. That’s not right. Now let me get to the fair part. It’s not fair that people from all over the world who want to be an American come here and work their butts off to become citizens and have to contribute towards paying for those same people who don’t want to go through the legal steps.”

  “So are you saying these people should just suffer where they are?” Theo asked.

  I distorted my face as I answered, “Don’t twist my words, Theo. They are welcomed to come so long as they do things the right and fair way. The legal way. No sneaking. No cheating. No running. If you’re going to do it, then do it right. That’s it.”

  “To do all of that the right and fair way would take time and money which a lot of these people don’t have,” Theo replied.